For the Record

I don't think it is really necessary to confess at this point that I am not very good at color coordinating because really... anyone who knows me or frankly who has seen me... or even glanced at me would tell you this. Sadly, this curse has extended to my children by virtue of the fact that as their mother it is my responsibility to choose their clothes.

I'm sure at some future point as happens with all parents when children accuse their parents of messing them up in one way or another they will be able to add onto the pile of accusations their lack of color coordination.

I cannot, however, take credit for dressing Smiley in the following outfit...


He is solely responsible for the horrible sweater and vest combination and after I stopped laughing I changed him into something less hideous (even I recognized it was bad).

But after I thought about it I was rather concerned... his choice of clothing could still be my fault... I thought back to what I was wearing just the other night...blue jammie pants, a pink shirt and a red hoodie. The pink shirt was part of my outfit I had been wearing during the day, but it was getting close to bedtime so I threw on the closest jammie pants available which were cream and blue but it was chilly in the house and I needed something warm for my arms so I grabbed the closest hoodie which was red. So can you really blame Smiley for his lack of fashion sense when his mom is all about comfort???

Poor kid.

The Good Old Days???

Yesterday I was going through some pictures and papers and bust out laughing when I found some notes from high school. I believe I have confessed in a prior post that I am a pack rat much to my husband's frustration. I do try to D.I. a few things every couple of months but unfortunately I'm accumulating quicker than I'm getting rid of things.

Anywhoo, I thought I had a crystal clear memory of high school which was one of depression, long hours of staying up late trying to figure out math only to go to bed crying, 3 years pining after a guy in high school who was also a good friend etc. etc. What I had forgotten was writing notes back and forth to one very smart classmate Shaun Sayers. I specifically remember Shaun in English class having all the answers and he was funny and always smiling. Apparently we exchanged a lot of notes because yesterday I was laughing as I read them. Here is one example of a note he wrote to me:

CAUTION: The following events, characters, and statements are fictional and are definitely not to be taken seriously. Any similarities between this crap and real life events are coincidental. Really.
WARNING: This is only a joke.
NOTE: Not to be taken personally.
IMPORTANT: I strongly urge you not to read this if your name is Robin, Dweebo Jones, or any combination or similarity thereof wherein, hitherto.

Let's begin now....
This is a survey conducted to discover the views and opinions of the world on the subject of Robin:

Question - What do you think of Robin?

And the response:

"Oh, she's really nice. And interesting, yeh. Um considerate, really considerate. Uh interesting, did I say she was interesting?"
-Shaun Sayer-

"She's ... interesting. Oh - uh - different. And nice, too. Really, really, really nice. " - Vicky Woods - "Really."

Question #2: Yes, but what do you really think? Keep in mind you may remain anonymous.

And the response:

"I really can't say. She'd break both my legs" Vicki Woods -I mean.. anonymous

"She wouldn't be so bad if she had a chin" - anonymous -

"Well, she's gross, but don't tell her I said that." - anonymous -

"She's boring and redundant but don't tell her I said that, she'll break my legs." - anonymous-

"a sweet and wonderful human being" -Robin Crouch-

"She's a rascal, that one is. I'm telling you, the first slip up she makes, the first chance I get and she'll be out on her.. uh, behind." "A real trouble maker" - Mr. Robb- (high school principal)

"Who's Robin?" - Andrew M.- (my high school crush)

"Talk about wimpy" Medwin Meyers III - head of the chess club and computer club, president of the library club (I was also a member of the library club)

"I think she's beautiful" - Woody Allen -

"I just want her out of the country. That's all OUT!" - Brian Mulroney- (Canada's Prime Minister at the time)

"Ah yes, Robin, she enlightens the room with her glittering charm and rare charisma. Such an intelligent person.. did I get it right, Bonzo?" - Ronald Reagan-

"No you idiot you got it backwards." - Bonzo

"She's too religious." - God-


Shaun and I bantered back and forth in our notes with sarcasm, teasing, high praise, low jibes, and flourishing words. After a long summer he sent me a note in English class entitled ESSAY: Why Robin is a goddess, and how we can cope with being her slave.

I always was more comfortable with guys as a teenager and they saw me as their "buddy" who helped them with their girlfriend problems. Shaun was no exception apparently because I have a note from him thanking me for helping him with a girl.

Sometimes I think I'm crazy for keeping things but I'm so glad that I kept these notes and other notes that I found from friends to remind me that there were some good moments and some things and some people that did make me smile. Sometimes we let the moment overshadow all of our moments. I let my whole teenage years be painted with the same dark brush of depression and loneliness that lasted a significant amount of time but not the whole time. There were moments of happiness and there were things that I enjoyed... theatre arts, dance classes, church dances, youth leadership, hanging out with Jen, Rick and Andrew in the cafeteria eating fries and gravy and writing notes to Shaun instead of listening to my English teacher who hated me.

I wouldn't go back to being a teenager. But perhaps it wasn't so bad after all. Maybe as I go through more of my notes and things it will change my perspective on my teenage years even more.

I'm so grateful for the life I have now and the perspective I have now. It too needs work on some days but I have a great husband with an incredible attitude that sets me straight when I'm going off-track.

Brett's Plan of Attack

I promised I would tell you Brett's plan of attack for my forray to church tomorrow.  Because I'm not bright enough to get someone to replace me in teaching Gospel Doctrine tomorrow I must go myself and teach.  So we were in bed the other night and I told Brett that I was worried about being in the halls and getting my nose bumped while I'm still recovering from surgery.  I said that I was thinking of wearing my gauze moustache to church so that people would know to be careful around me and give me some space (I would take it off during my lesson ... because hey... who can take me seriously with that thing on???).  

No sooner had I finished telling him what I was thinking when I felt the waves of horror and embarassment (for him not me) flooding off him in the dark.  

sidebar:  once years ago when I had a really bad knee and we were going to the CN Tower and the line was freakishly long the suggestion was made that perhaps we could get a wheel-chair for me because there was no way I could stand in that long line with my knee.  Brett said that he would DIE of embarassment if he had to push me in a wheel-chair.  I was out of luck.  I when I get old.... I mean really older than I am now.... I hope that I don't become an invalid in a wheel-chair because I wouldn't want to be an embarassment to my husband.  

back to our night-time conversation:  Brett quickly outlined his plan... I would get up and leave sacrament meeting before it ended ..... whoa there!!!! before it ends?????  me??? get up and leave before the prayer???? now waves of horror were coming off of me!!!!  

The halls would be empty.... (who are we kidding?  what about all the people that hang out in the hall with their kids and sit on the couches because we all KNOW the couches are WAY more comfortable than the pews.)  

Then I would be in the Relief Society room before the mad rush after the closing prayer.  I could stay there until the end of church (what about my pee break??? that's just inhumane) and I would wait in the Relief Society room for an extra 15 minutes until the halls are clear and I can make a break for the car.  (isn't there another ward after us???)

I don't know about this plan.... I'm seriously considering the gauze moustache.  Remember I'm color coordinating it now.  I'm thinking red for tomorrow.....

p.s. as much as my gauze moustache may cause him some embarassment (come to think of it he hasn't appeared in public with me wearing it) Brett has been awesome!!! He could outdo Mr.Mom anyday!!! This past week he has done anything and everything to make our family and household run smooth.  kudos Brett!!!! 

It Was NOT a Pick!!!!

I know! I know! I'm STILL talking about my nose!!! But if you had the stomach and the nerve to watch the clip on my site and saw what is UP my nose you will understand what I am living with 24/7 and you will understand why I can't STOP thinking about my nose.  When I watched that video just moments ago I realized why I have been telling everyone it feels like I have gigantic glasses being pushed down on my nose and I can't take them off.  Now after seeing what nose stints look like I think a better analogy is that I have an alien creature inside my nose trying to push it's way out!!!  Yikes!!!

At first after the surgery there was just the horrible pain.  Then gradually that has subsided to constant pressure.  Gee, I wonder why.  So I've told you that I have this blowing my nose issue where I'm not allowed to blow my nose right?  But my nose is filled with mucus all the time and dripping.  Fortunately I have this convenient gauze moustache to catch the blood, fluids and boogers that come down.  But boogers/mucus are not always accommodating and sit just inside your nose to drive you stark raving mad.  Regularly a good blow into a Kleenex can take care of this problem.  I'm not allowed to bend over either so I can't even do that to encourage drips to come out faster onto the gauze moustache.  drat!!!  What's a person to do???  Q-tips!!! (cue Halleluia chorus and rays from heaven).  It was when I was  Q-tipping and sighing with relief that I felt the nose stint just inside my nose at the bottom.  I freaked out!!! I thought the stints were high up inside my nose.  I don't know why I thought this... I just did.  I tap it again with the Q-tip to be sure... yep.  It's a foreign object in my nose.

I must digress for a moment before I get to the It Was Not a Pick part...

So yesterday I take my son to his doctor's office and I think... great... another public outing with my gauze moustache.  At the doctor's office I have to deal with the receptionist, two nurses, and the doctor.  None of whom say ANYTHING about my gauze moustache.  Is that odd?  Not a joke, comment, question, glance.  Nada.  Now perhaps they are just used to gauze working at a doctor's office and all... or perhaps I chanced upon 4 people who by nature have no curiosity or compassion in them.  As for me.... if I see someone with a black eye you know I'm going to say something like "who won?" or "fall out of bed again" or if they have criss-crossing bandages on their face "get run over by a train"? (that one was used on me many years ago so I feel obligated to pass it on).  

My sister called me chicken and I don't normally respond to dares.  I even took it two steps further and took these pictures without makeup and doing my hair.  But I figure if I can take my kids to school with this gauze, go to doctor's appointments, shop at Walmart etc. I can post my picture.  So here goes...

If you combine the two you have the full view.

I did have a very important meeting this morning to try to get Smiley into a special pre-school so I thought I would color coordinate my gauze moustache for the occasion....

Back to my story.  On the way home from the doctor's office last night I couldn't stop thinking about the stints in my nose (because I can't stop feeling the sensation of them.)  So I wondered how close to the opening of my nose they really were.  And the only way to really tell.... do you see where I'm going with this???? yep... I stuck my finger in my nose to feel where the stint was.  And sure enough I touched it!!! Freaky!!!!  But worse than that I realized that I was on Redwood Road with cars all around me with my finger up my nose!!!!   You're dumb as a what?? (a saying from my MIL)  I quickly snatch my finger out of my nose but was it too late?  Did someone see me?  Worse yet did someone I know see me and now forever after I will be dubbed as a nosepicker when really I'm not!!! It was not a pick!!!! It was a touch!!!! I was just touching my stint!!!!  Do you have any idea what is up my nose????  -sigh-  I can't wait until Monday when these things come out.

In bed last night I told my husband that I wanted to google nose stints.  He says "I don't want to look at it... I'll throw up and pass out."  My hero.  I don't think he is going to play the video.  What do you think?  If he does I hope his desk at work doesn't have any sharp corners.   I better call his mom and have her place some pillows on the floor around his chair.  (his office is in her basement).  

Well, Monday I get these babies out.  Can't wait.  I'll tell you tomorrow about Brett's game plan for my trip to church when I told him I was thinking of wearing my gauze moustache to make sure my nose doesn't get bumped.  

Realizations...

I can't say that having this surgery has been a life-changing event per say but it has given me a few new experiences and some time in bed (I would rather have gone without) to come to some realizations of things I love and hate.

I LOVE hugs and kisses from my boys.  And I hate that I'm missing out on so many of them being at arms-length orders from my doctor.  I can't afford for my nose to be bumped and undo all the good that has been done.

I love Dede's humidifier that she lent to me.  Much better than the Vicks one we had ages ago and DI'd (sorry to whoever picked THAT gem up - it basically spit water into the air which landed on the carpet soaking it).

I love my MacBook.  I missed you so much, yes I did, I'm sorry I was gone for so long.  I promise I won't do it again.  Did you miss me too?  ahem.... sorry about that... private conversation.

Individually I nothing against distilled water, baking soda, salt and bulb syringes.  But  combine these items together and squirt them up your nose twice a day for three weeks.... you'll come to hate them.  You'll only make the mistake once of not heating the water before you do it. .. lesson learned. brrrr. 

I don't know who wrote the instructions for this procedure but they couldn't have performed it on themselves because I don't think the words "irrigating regularly ...will...increase comfort" belong together....

I love order.  I hate chaos.  This, however, is what my house looks like right now while I am recovering.  Maybe I should have chosen eye surgery with bandages covering my eyes for the next few weeks.

When you are on pain medications you need to up your fiber. (if you don't know why I'm not going to explain it).  Fiber cereals are typically pretty nasty.  Brett found me one I now love (for a fiber cereal). 

I have come to hate the feeling of gauze under my nose.  

 

I'm becoming claustrophobic with it.  I also look like a dork (I know, I know, some of you are thinking... but she's already a dork.  I kind of walked into that one right?)  I went out in public for the first time yesterday.  People look and then quickly look away.  It's quite funny but at the same time I feel silly. (sillier than usual being the dork that I am.)

I also hate that I can't blow my nose... oh and when people laugh about the fact that I can't blow my nose... or say things like "I need to blow my nose...aw, forget it...I'm too comfortable to blow my nose...I'll do it later" cause they know it will rile me up because they choose NOT to blow their nose when they COULD HAVE!!!!  That just isn't right!!! cruel... so cruel.  

Although I have noticed that the boys have had a tougher time with their behavior since I have had surgery (they don't like change) ... I love that they have been softer with me ... Smiley usually mentions my nose at least 3 times in his bedtime prayer "bless mom bloody nose... bless mom nose get better... mom has owie nose."  

I love that I'm starting to feel better and can do things like blog, drive the car (seriously April I'm not on painkillers anymore), make dinner, walk on the treadmill for a few minutes, work on my Sunday School lesson, take pictures with my camera, read and even enjoy a few minutes of t.v.  All things I was unable to do for a few days because of migraines (a by-product of the surgery).  It made me appreciate my everyday health even more and how even though headaches are a daily occurrence and migraines multiple times a week, my medication does a decent job of keeping me at a functioning level most of the time.  For that I am soooo grateful. 

 I realized how much I really DO accomplish despite my limitations.  We all have strengths and weaknesses but I have seen in my weakness how strong I really am and I have seen through the service of others how I am strengthened by those around me.  It is a beautiful thing and has touched my heart and inspires me to be a kinder, more caring person to others around me.  Thank you for your service, love and well wishes that are helping me on to a speedy recovery.

You May have had Sinus Surgery If...

1.  You are VERY familiar with the taste of  8 oz of water mixed with  1/4 tsp salt and 1/4 tsp baking soda.  This you are told to spray up your nose twice a day for THREE WEEKS!!  Only when administered properly (as any perfectionist will do) much of it will go down the back of your throat.  Yummy.  If you are my dad you won't mind the taste because he actually prefers baking soda and water each night as his antacid medicine.... I, however, DO NOT!!!

2.  You pay $1000.00 for your initial portion of the surgery (I'm sure there will be many more bills later) for a procedure that gives you pain, pain, and more pain.  Oh... and then there's the pain.  (did I mention the pain???)

3.  You are given a billion instructions of things to do to maintain your nose all while on pain killers (personally I think it is a test of intelligence and endurance while under stressful conditions that they are running concurrently with the sinus surgery... can the patient track all of these instructions while under duress).

4.  You learn to sleep at a very uncomfortable angle.  Actually that's not true at all.  You learn to lay there NOT SLEEPING at a very uncomfortable angle for many days.  

5.  You see how many days you can go without blowing your nose.  I'm not kidding.  I'm on day 

six.  No nose blowing.  It's torture.  My body subconsciously couldn't take it and for the few minutes at a time when I would fall asleep I would blow my nose gently in my sleep and the sound would wake me up.  I tried commanding my body to stop but it wouldn't.  Stinkin' body wouldn't listen to me!!!  Then when my husband caught me doing it and woke me up I stopped.  hahhahaha!!

6.  If when you hear your neighbors dogs barking you have the thought "hmmm... I wonder what they would taste like with barbeque sauce."  Well I guess that thought would go with anyone who has had surgery and is on pain killers.  At least I HOPE it was the pain killers that gave me that thought.  ahahahhaha!!!!  If not my neighbors better hide their dogs.

7.  When your kids go to hug you you hold out your hand for a low five instead cause you are afraid of anyone or anything getting close to your nose (remembering that morning when you got out of the shower and toweled off your face like you regularly do and you about went through the roof when the towel touched the tip of your nose).

8.  You get to wear a piece of gauze taped to the end of your nose to catch all the blood and ooze that comes down from the many things that were done to you.  It is also a great reminder to yourself and others that you had surgery so no throwing objects around your face, no flailing arms around you (like last night when your six year old thought he was being funny and swinging his arms around your head).

9.  You have great friends that bring you yummy food and help with kids.  Thanks for taking such good care of me and my family while I have gone through this surgery.  Thanks also to family for well wishes and prayers and for Roxy for taking care of the office so Brett could be here at home with me.  Every one has been so awesome!!! 

The Ups and Downs

Tomorrow is the dreaded day... sinus surgery.  And not just any sinus surgery.  I'm having everything done short of the shape of my nose changed (perhaps I should have asked for that to be included considering my deductible and co-pay).  What is wrong you are wondering (or perhaps you would rather not know)... a deviated septum, enlarged turbenates, a polyp, an opening where an opening does not belong and too narrow towards the back.  Each day multiple times a day I have had to stop myself from picking up the phone and canceling the surgery.  I'm not one for pain so this has me really anxious for tomorrow.  I have been thinking about the downsidesides and upsides of getting this surgery done hoping that the pluses outweigh the negatives.  Let's see how they pan out:

Downs:

1.  Pain and lots of it.

2.  Having to sleep sitting up for the first night post-surgery and at a 45 degree angle for the week following surgery.

3.  Lots and lots of post-op instructions - polysporin on a q-tip up my nose 4x a day, afrin spray every 12 hours, saline spray every hour, cool mist humidifier by bedside (crap! I forgot to get one!!!!) 8 oz of distilled water, salt and baking soda solution sprayed up my nose twice a day, antibiotics twice a day, and of course pain killers as prescribed.  I don't know how I'm going to remember that when I'm hopped up on pain killers.  I'll probably end up sticking the q-tips in my ears or something and drinking the baking soda solution.

4.  I'm afraid of more migraines which will be triggered by the pain of the surgery.

5.  No blowing my nose for a week (they didn't say anything about picking it though.... just kidding).

Ups:

1.  My ginormous co-pay and deductible can be charged to my American Express so at least I can get skymiles for my surgery.  Yeah!!!!

2.  hopefully no more sinus infections every time I get a cold.

3.  I have a legitimate reason for forgetting things for the next few days and for not doing things..."I'm so sorry... I just had surgery."  that gets you out of just about anything doesn't it????

4.  I get to try out some new soup flavors over the next couple of days.  yum!!! (I'm trying to be positive here)

5.  I have a legitimate excuse to go out in public in my hoodie and trackpants tomorrow (I was told to wear no make-up and loose comfortable clothing)

6.  My gratitude and love for my friends and family has deepened with all the offers of help and well wishes.  thanks you guys!!!

Looks like the ups have it so I have no choice but to go through with the surgery.  I don't know how long it will be before my next post.  Perhaps soon (depending on whether the pain meds are working and I'm not in pain , just goofy on pain killers- that could actually be an interesting post ... ) or whether I will be off-line completely.  Have fun blogging whether I join you or not!!

What Was I Thinking???

I made mention in my honesty blog that the topic of my home perms deserved a post of its own.  Really my home perms should never have happened in the first place and why no one was honest with me back then and screamed out to me "Robin!!!! stop!!! that is soooo wrong!!!!"  Instead I had my mom's support (she was the one purchasing and administering the home perms).

Now I should say in all fairness that growing up in Ontario, Canada with humid summers and freakishly flat hair... the two do not combine very well.  So it didn't matter how much time I spent in the bathroom curling and styling and applying mousse, hair gel, or super duper extra strong hair spray to my hair.... the second I stepped foot out the door and the humidity hit my head - poof!!! flat as a pancake (actually that isn't a very good analogy because my husband's pancakes are really very poofy so I should be more specific and say flat as MY pancakes).  So there was logic behind the home perm idea - get some curl in my hair that I did not have naturally and could not maintain no matter how hard I tried because of weather forces out of my control.  

But perhaps I would have been better off to have lived with flat hair as a teenager instead of the curls I ended up with.  For now when the pictures come out of me as a teenager, all my husband can do is tease and make fun of me with my perms.  Now I'm secure in my husband's love for me... don't get me wrong... but for some reason I'm touchy when it comes to him teasing me about my perms.  It's kind of like the unwritten rule for Canadians....  Canadians are allowed to make fun of Canada and silly Canadian things but Americans are NOT allowed to make fun of Canada and Canadian things... that makes us mad.  Or you can make fun of your own family but when an outsider makes fun of your family you get touchy about it.  That's kind of how I feel when my husband makes fun of my perms.  Are they hideous ???? yes!!! are they curly??? you bet!!!! will you laugh at them??? I can't imagine that you wouldn't.  Of course by default in a couple of these photos you will see my sister (or could we just pretend that is a neighbor visiting our house????) made the same choice I did so I was not alone in my perm-making decisions.  (you realize of course that I am a dead woman after this post).

Apparently overly large glasses were all the rage too.  Oh who am I kidding!!!  I was no fashionista.  I'm wearing a Mickey and Minnie sweatshirt for crying out loud!  You think I would be any better at choosing frames for glasses???? 

If I was to go back and do it over would I not get a perm???  I don't know.  That's the funny thing.  People with straight hair are often wanting curly hair and people with frizzy curly hair are always trying to straighten their hair.  Perhaps though I would have a professional do it.  Probably not... come to think of it ... I still today choose the home option.  I color my hair at home instead of getting it done at a salon.  Some things never change I guess.  Weird eh??? 

Totally Honest

Since I made some confessions about getting older, for some reason it has triggered a desire to make more confessions.  I'm not sure why except that part of my personality is to be brutally honest... about myself that is.  

I'm not sure exactly when this frank honesty started because as a teenager I had a horrible self-esteem (the retainer, hand-me-down clothes and home-perms didn't help I'm sure) so naturally I would do my best to present myself in as pleasing a light to others as I could (but really... how pleasing is a home perm??? and why did I think it was cool??? that's a topic for another post).  

I even insisted that others around me curb their frankness.  Let me give you an example from my mission.  (pay no attention to my crew cut haircut ... it came as a result of poor language skills ... I asked for my hair to be shorter but what I really said was short... so the hairdresser cut it short.  I was called Elder for several months.  true story)

Back to my honesty story... One of my companions (pictured above to the left) often pointed to the hostess if something was amiss such as ants crawling across the table or cockroaches climbing up the wall and she wasn't doing it in a mean or malicious way but to be helpful like "did you know you have ants on your table?"  So the hostess could perhaps be aware of the problem and do something about it.  But for me, I would be totally and completely embarrassed everytime she pointed out one of these things in her simple honest way.  I asked her to stop doing it and could she please next time nonchalantly take care of the problem on her own.  Bless her heart I noticed at one of our dinner appointments (one of our scarier appointments where the glasses are grey... not on purpose but because they don't have soap to wash them with so there is a grey film on them... and you find a hair in your borscht and the hostess has REALLY long hair... etc.) anyways I see an inch worm climbing up my companion's drinking glass and where she would normally have said "did you know there is an inch worm on my cup?" she quietly took it off her cup and put it on the floor.  At the time I was sooooo proud of her for doing it quietly.  Now I think about it and I'm ashamed of quashing her open and honest spirit.

Today I love it when people say what they think and are honest with me.  One of the things I love most about my neighbor is that she says what she thinks.  I know where I stand with her.  It is great.  When she first came to my house one of the first things she did was say "did you know your window isn't centered on your wall?"  I had been living in my house for a year and hadn't noticed it!!! Now that's a person to like!  You know they are going to tell you things as they see it.  My sisters also tell it like it is.  This I also appreciate because I know when I ask their opinion on something they will give it.  I may not like it (hahahahha) but they will give it.

Now that's not to say that I mesh with everyone who is open and honest about their opinions.  Some people have powerful opinions that I may not agree with or personalities that I clash with.  But again... at least when someone is honest about how they feel you can know where you stand with them.

The opposite is also true.  I CAN'T stand being lied to and I've also learned it isn't in my best interests to lie - moral reasons notwithstanding.  For some reason there is nothing that gets me madder than being lied to.  If you want to see me get mad.... I mean REALLY mad.  Just lie right to my face.  It is scary actually.  Just ask the manager at Larry H. Miller Toyota.  I think he probably has nightmares of a little blonde lady yelling at him when after getting our car serviced there I discovered scratch marks across the top of the car and wet coffee stains in the back seat and the manager  accused/suggested that I must have been the one who did it because there is NO WAY his guys could have done those things. Me drink coffee??? are you kidding me??? I've never done it in my life.  no offense if you have but I told him that I hadn't and he said his guys didn't do it which meant I was lying to him.  I went postal.  Brett backed away from me and so did the secretary who had come out to ask the manager a question.  I think she forgot what she wanted to ask him I was yelling so loud.  Don't call me a liar.

As for me learning not to lie... well let's just say that my nose is a give-away... it twitches if I try.  So what's the point???

So here I am at 38, telling the honest truth about myself.  And even though I want people to like me.  I want them to like me for who I am, not for who I pretend to be.  Perhaps though I shouldn't be too honest about all my flaws because that can be a turn-off too.  Yet I can't seem to help myself.  My brutal honesty seems almost to serve as a verbal therapy.  Don't ask me how I am if you don't really want to know.  Just settle for a "hi Robin" and leave it at that - or you might be asking for trouble.  

What is the truth?? It changes from day to day.  Some days I'm happy, some days I'm frustrated, some days I'm just hanging on until bedtime for the sweet release sleep brings.  I love to be comfortable (hence my closet full of hoodies and sweatpants... sad, I know), I am daily wishing for time to quilt and sad each day when I get to the end and not a piece of fabric was on my counter ( someday there will be time... but not today), I love Star Trek (but wouldn't be caught dead at a Star Trek convention), my favorite food is french fries with gravy (its the Canadian in me), and I love eating but I hate cooking in the kitchen for a long time so if a recipe has too many ingredients or steps - forget it!!! 

What can you expect from me? honesty about myself.  as for when I talk about other things I think I'm pretty honest.. at least I try to be but online you can't see my face to know for sure so... I suppose I should post a picture of a twitching nose if I'm prevaricating or beating around the bush.

You Know You're Getting Older When...

So last night in the middle of the night I'm awoken by severe acid reflux and I think... why isn't my acid reflux medicine working???  I reach into the drawer by my bedside, pop two Tums but the remainder of the night I have to try and sleep sitting up.  It made me think about the fact that #1.  I'm old enough to have acid reflux and taking a daily medication for it and #2. I keep a stash of Tums by my bedside.  What other signs of aging am I exhibiting??? so it has me pondering today on my personal signs of aging.  These are in no particular order.

1.  I'm still recovering from staying up late New Year's Eve.

2.  I actually CHOOSE to watch Antiques Roadshow.

3.  People used to get me confused with the young women in the ward.  That hasn't happened for a really long time.  

4.  Now I watch the anti-aging commercials intently to see if the product looks real or bogus.  I'm considering getting something for my "laugh lines" (who's laughing about them? not me!!)

5.  When I open the medicine cabinet at least two or three medications fall out on my head because it is so full.  (the acid reflux medicine being one of them)

6.  In the afternoon when working on a sewing project or some other project and I turn the t.v. on I admit to watching Matlock reruns ... and liking them. 

7.  Today's technology is already beyond me ... I can't figure out how to text message - and even worse - like most old people - I have no desire to learn how to do it!!!

8.  Last night when my husband asked Giggles how long he thought we had been married Giggles replied "150,000 years".  Pretty close.  

9.  When you look through your closet at your clothes and see a dress that your mom made for you and realize that it is 20 years old!!!!  which brings up other issues like why is a 20 year old dress still in your wardrobe?  are you saving it for a special occasion?  are you saving it because your mom made it??  (I must admit at this point that I'm sick... and by sick I mean I save just about everything.  ask my sister.  It is by sheer force of will that I send things to the D.I. every few months.... usually everyone else's things hahahaha!!!! hey, I have to make space for my own.)

10.  Really, going back to number 4, my face says it all.  When I look in the mirror I'm shocked by the face that looks back at me.  Who IS this person?  What's with all the lines around my eyes??? When did that happen?? Who am I turning into and if this is what I look like at 38 what shocking number of wrinkles will I have at 48?  My sisters played a cruel trick on me last year by photoshopping their wrinkles out of the picture and keeping mine in so for a whole year I thought they looked younger than me.  What can I say?  they are pranksters that way.  

But true beauty comes from within right and you are only as young as you feel. crap! I'm in trouble in that case cause I'm tired all the time already...  so I'll just keep on watching my Matlock reruns, Antiques Roadshow and popping my reflux meds and Tums and accept the fact that I'm getting older and watch for other tell-tale signs.  Perhaps soon I'll start driving with my nose to the steering wheel or needing bifocals.  (no offense if you are already doing that)

Flu or Cold Survey

Apparently it is my yearly turn to get the stomach flu.  We had a work Christmas dinner last night and at 9:30 pm just as we were leaving my stomach didn't quite feel right.  I knew that I ate more than I should have - the crab cakes, shrimp and marmalade sauce, toast and artichoke dip, salad (at least my dressing was low-cal with just salt and pepper and a squeeze of lemon...I had to cut back somewhere...right???) Then the appetizers were followed by a whole wheat roll, garlic mashed potatoes, carrots and squash and a medium rare steak.  Dessert was a delicious strawberry cheesecake.  (I'm actually having trouble writing about food right now... my stomach still isn't quite right).

Anyways, by midnight I was hoping that the horrible feeling in my stomach was food poisoning and not flu...does anyone really hope for food poisoning???  At 12:30 as I thought of Brett's salmon that he had for dinner I bolted out of bed and raced for the bathroom.  Nothing like the thought of fish on a queasy stomach to make you rush out of bed hoping you get there in time.  After 7 rounds of throwing up which finished at 5:30 am I knew I was not fortunate enough to have food poisoning and instead managed to pick up the flu somewhere.  The ache in my back and head was increasing as was the guilt that I made muffins for my neighbor yesterday before I knew I had the flu (I said I silent prayer that the 6 times I washed my hands during the muffin-making process would be enough to keep them flu-free).

The whole time I was in the bathroom there was not a sound coming from my bedroom.  And by that I mean, not a single "are you okay....do you need anything...I'm so sorry"  In fact he admitted to my sister later today to having his pillow over his head when I was in the bathroom.  I mistakenly thought he was sleeping through my visits to the porcelain throne (don't eat whole wheat before the flu if you can at all help it).  He did redeem himself by driving kids to school and picking them up (I don't know how I would have dragged myself out of bed to do it seeing as it is 5:30pm and I am only getting out of bed now).

So my question to you is ... would you rather have the flu for a day than a cold for a couple of weeks?  Me personally, I hate throwing up so bad that I would pick the cold hands down!!!! 

7 Unusual Things About Myself

Thanks for the tag Sara...not! Just kidding.  These kinds of things are usually where you look at yourself and go wow! am I a really boring person or what!  What could I possibly write that could make my friends say, "hey, that is unusual" or "I didn't know that about her".  So I'm going to try for the "I didn't know that about her" angle and see how I do.  My family will probably say "duh! I knew that!" so don't read this then.

1.  I was a certified dance teacher with the British Association for Teachers of Dance for four years.

2.  I was chosen valedictorian for the department of Psychology my graduating year at BYU.

3.  I dream of taking ballroom/latin dancing classes with my husband but he hates dancing so I fear that dream will never be fulfilled (in this life)

4.  I can't do math!!!!!!!!! so don't ask me!!!! please!!!!!!! I'm terrified of numbers!!!!!!

5.  As much as I love talking in class and by talking I mean contributing comments.... help me, I'm talking and I can't shut up!!!!! I'm socially very shy... it is like pulling teeth to walk up to someone and introduce myself to them.  

6.  I love eating things like poutine (french fries with gravy and melted cheese curds), borscht, pickle panic popcorn, lemons with salt sprinkled on them, hot water with lemon juice and salt in it (instead of hot cocoa like regular people), Strubs dill pickles (the best kosher pickles ever made), sour keys (a candy that takes the skin off your tongue if you eat too many).  Well you get the idea.... I like sour stuff mostly.

7.  I love watching "The Avatar" cartoon with Jaden.  really! it's a great show with humor and lots of kung fu action.

Brain Dead Moment of the Day

Today we had lunch at a very small park while I waited to attend a meeting for Marcus' school. (may I emphasize small ... really you can't call it a park... but hey the kids were happy with it)  In typical Robin brain-dead fashion, I realized at 5 minutes to 1:00 that I was at the wrong location for the meeting.  My husband didn't take my urgent call for help on my cell to find out where Harrison Street was and my usual back-up also didn't answer.  Thanks to Dede I was able to get the number of the Community Center and find out the West coordinate.  Thanks Dede!!!!  If only I had a brain!!!!  If stake roadshows come back into popularity again and our ward chooses the Wizard of Oz, you'll know who to cast as the Scarecrow.  I win hands down!!!