Totally Honest

Since I made some confessions about getting older, for some reason it has triggered a desire to make more confessions.  I'm not sure why except that part of my personality is to be brutally honest... about myself that is.  

I'm not sure exactly when this frank honesty started because as a teenager I had a horrible self-esteem (the retainer, hand-me-down clothes and home-perms didn't help I'm sure) so naturally I would do my best to present myself in as pleasing a light to others as I could (but really... how pleasing is a home perm??? and why did I think it was cool??? that's a topic for another post).  

I even insisted that others around me curb their frankness.  Let me give you an example from my mission.  (pay no attention to my crew cut haircut ... it came as a result of poor language skills ... I asked for my hair to be shorter but what I really said was short... so the hairdresser cut it short.  I was called Elder for several months.  true story)

Back to my honesty story... One of my companions (pictured above to the left) often pointed to the hostess if something was amiss such as ants crawling across the table or cockroaches climbing up the wall and she wasn't doing it in a mean or malicious way but to be helpful like "did you know you have ants on your table?"  So the hostess could perhaps be aware of the problem and do something about it.  But for me, I would be totally and completely embarrassed everytime she pointed out one of these things in her simple honest way.  I asked her to stop doing it and could she please next time nonchalantly take care of the problem on her own.  Bless her heart I noticed at one of our dinner appointments (one of our scarier appointments where the glasses are grey... not on purpose but because they don't have soap to wash them with so there is a grey film on them... and you find a hair in your borscht and the hostess has REALLY long hair... etc.) anyways I see an inch worm climbing up my companion's drinking glass and where she would normally have said "did you know there is an inch worm on my cup?" she quietly took it off her cup and put it on the floor.  At the time I was sooooo proud of her for doing it quietly.  Now I think about it and I'm ashamed of quashing her open and honest spirit.

Today I love it when people say what they think and are honest with me.  One of the things I love most about my neighbor is that she says what she thinks.  I know where I stand with her.  It is great.  When she first came to my house one of the first things she did was say "did you know your window isn't centered on your wall?"  I had been living in my house for a year and hadn't noticed it!!! Now that's a person to like!  You know they are going to tell you things as they see it.  My sisters also tell it like it is.  This I also appreciate because I know when I ask their opinion on something they will give it.  I may not like it (hahahahha) but they will give it.

Now that's not to say that I mesh with everyone who is open and honest about their opinions.  Some people have powerful opinions that I may not agree with or personalities that I clash with.  But again... at least when someone is honest about how they feel you can know where you stand with them.

The opposite is also true.  I CAN'T stand being lied to and I've also learned it isn't in my best interests to lie - moral reasons notwithstanding.  For some reason there is nothing that gets me madder than being lied to.  If you want to see me get mad.... I mean REALLY mad.  Just lie right to my face.  It is scary actually.  Just ask the manager at Larry H. Miller Toyota.  I think he probably has nightmares of a little blonde lady yelling at him when after getting our car serviced there I discovered scratch marks across the top of the car and wet coffee stains in the back seat and the manager  accused/suggested that I must have been the one who did it because there is NO WAY his guys could have done those things. Me drink coffee??? are you kidding me??? I've never done it in my life.  no offense if you have but I told him that I hadn't and he said his guys didn't do it which meant I was lying to him.  I went postal.  Brett backed away from me and so did the secretary who had come out to ask the manager a question.  I think she forgot what she wanted to ask him I was yelling so loud.  Don't call me a liar.

As for me learning not to lie... well let's just say that my nose is a give-away... it twitches if I try.  So what's the point???

So here I am at 38, telling the honest truth about myself.  And even though I want people to like me.  I want them to like me for who I am, not for who I pretend to be.  Perhaps though I shouldn't be too honest about all my flaws because that can be a turn-off too.  Yet I can't seem to help myself.  My brutal honesty seems almost to serve as a verbal therapy.  Don't ask me how I am if you don't really want to know.  Just settle for a "hi Robin" and leave it at that - or you might be asking for trouble.  

What is the truth?? It changes from day to day.  Some days I'm happy, some days I'm frustrated, some days I'm just hanging on until bedtime for the sweet release sleep brings.  I love to be comfortable (hence my closet full of hoodies and sweatpants... sad, I know), I am daily wishing for time to quilt and sad each day when I get to the end and not a piece of fabric was on my counter ( someday there will be time... but not today), I love Star Trek (but wouldn't be caught dead at a Star Trek convention), my favorite food is french fries with gravy (its the Canadian in me), and I love eating but I hate cooking in the kitchen for a long time so if a recipe has too many ingredients or steps - forget it!!! 

What can you expect from me? honesty about myself.  as for when I talk about other things I think I'm pretty honest.. at least I try to be but online you can't see my face to know for sure so... I suppose I should post a picture of a twitching nose if I'm prevaricating or beating around the bush.