It's Life Captain, But Not as We Know it

When I was a little kid I always rolled my eyes when my dad was in front of the t.v. He watched the dumbest shows. Like westerns, war movies, and Star Trek with William Shatner. How dumb. That pea green uniform and his serious expression on his face as they faced untold dangers on alien planets. "It's life Captain, but not as we know it," was one of the sayings from Star Trek. If you know me then you know that I love Star Trek, science fiction and science fiction fantasy.

As I sat down to my computer this afternoon and my mind was in a fog, that Star Trek quote came to my mind. My kids are much more resilient that I am with the changes in our house. I think kids are more resilient in general. They are playing with friends, playing video games and keeping busy with summer activities. They still miss Sunshine - they ask about her, wishing she was here, hoping for visits, and hoping she comes back for good.

And don't think that I have nothing to do... my house is screaming at me to pay attention to it. The laundry room couldn't contain much more, my filing room is embarrassingly full with a couple of years full of bills, bank records etc. that have to be put away, and I won't even tell you what my bedroom looks like. I'm surprised my kids haven't used MY room as an excuse not to clean theirs!

I finished off my first diet Coke and have cracked open a second in the hopes of perking up (in other words I'm hoping the caffeine will kick this 2-day headache). Reading Crash's blog always brings a smile to my face. But it isn't easy is it? To keep on going through the daily routine of life when something - someone - so important is missing. When that person who occupied the biggest part of your day is no longer there. And that's what I mean by "it's life Captain, but not as we know it". What I know is gone.

I don't think my brain has really accepted that. I don't think it is ready to yet. Some things hurt to much and are too painful that you just lock them away until you are ready to take them out and look at them and say - okay, I can deal with this now. I do think that we surprise ourselves at times like these. I see so many examples around me of people who have made it and who are making it through tough situations.

I made it through before and I can again.